Freedom – Not License
“The hardest part in creating a space for children to have choices, is to know when you reach your own limits. We must listen to the feeling inside that says, ‘No, I don’t like this behavior, I want this behavior to stop.’ In the framework of a non-authoritarian, respectful approach, one has the right to say what may not be done. (The opposite, telling the child what to do, robs them of responsibility and practice in making decisions. Telling the child what to do is demanding certain performances for your needs instead of the child’s). You care about children, in a non-possessive way, when you allow them to make choices which fit their needs, but which do not violate yours! You create a structure, by the framework of your limits, within which the child can choose. This is freedom, not license. Genuineness is critical in a relationship with a child. The best intent in the world to listen to a child’s feelings will not work if you are unaware of, or afraid of, your wish to say no. If that’s where you are, if that’s what you really want to say, then say it! The process of coming to terms, honestly, with each other, has as its payoff- children and adults who care about themselves enough to be able to care about others enough to solve problems respectfully.”
– Phyllis Fleishman Founding Director of Play Mountain Place
Getting Wet, Cold and Dirty
When your child gets wet and cold we will help her get dry and warm. We will not insist that your child stay indoors on a rainy day, stay fully dressed, or keep out of the water. We ask that you keep your child with you on days that she/he can’t fully participate in the regular program.
Children learn from hands-on, sensory and physical experiences with water, dirt, paints, etc. This means that hair and bodies, clothing and especially socks could be covered by the end of any school day. Wearing play clothes that can get dirty or stained and having extra clothes readily available at school relieves a lot of stress about playing and learning at school.
Special Times
There are times when children indicate that they want a special time with one adult. Some children ask for this and others might become teasy or needy as a way of indicating that they have feelings that they need help processing. Special times are a way of using the child’s play to provide them with supported listening. When we are able to give our full attention and follow the child’s lead, even for a short time, children are often able to laugh, shout or cry their way through difficulties. At school teachers try to provide special times (when the yard dynamics allow) when needed. The relationship that develops as a result of these special times create a foundation for supporting deeper exploration and growth. At home parents often find that a hectic pace gets in the way of supporting spontaneous special times; a regular pre-arranged time, away from siblings, might be an option. (For more ideas about special times see the booklet, Interviews with Phyllis, and the booklet, Special Times, by Patty Wipfler.)
Mad Times and Moosh Activities
Children are encouraged to express all of their feelings at Play Mountain Place, including their anger. During times of extreme emotion, people sometimes express feelings in hurtful ways, such as kicking, hitting, biting, pinching, spitting, throwing sand at others, and more. They are encouraged to work out their feelings in any of the following ways, which help the healing process. Any of these ideas can also be used in your home to redirect angry energy from hurting you or your family.
A word of caution about processing adult feelings:
Adults may find these activities useful as well, but grown-up feelings can be overwhelming for young people. Please maintain awareness of who is present and gauge your outlet appropriately. It will probably be necessary to ask a partner or friend to play with your child while you move your moosh plan elsewhere. Alternately, you could modulate your plan to “take the first layer” off of your feelings and “go for it” later, when you have more privacy. Go ahead, then. Rip paper! It’s fun!
Some Suggestions for Moosh Activities:
• hitting pillows
• pillow fights
• throwing balls at targets or drawings of angry faces
• biting on safe, clean chosen objects (soft plastic toy, clean towel)
• stomping on aluminum cans
• dictating or writing a letter or note about why we’re mad
• tearing, crushing, crinkling or punching newspaper
• tearing newspaper an adult pretends to read
• pounding clay with mallet or fists
• pushing against a pillow held by an adult
• punching hanging punching bags
• throwing water balloons at target
• teasing a parent or teacher (role play, pretend, name calling)
• playing with mud, clay, play-dough, cornstarch goop
• wrestling (be sure to let the child be in charge and always be the “strong” one)
• kicking cardboard box towers
• throwing body against mattress wall
• screaming and yelling
• making faces
• banging on something safe
• using “soft swords” made of newspaper on hanging plastic bottles or cardboard boxes
• running
• popping plastic bubble wrap
• stomping feet
• angry drawing
Bodies and Nudity
Preschool children are just beginning to learn about the world around them and their relationship to it. They are often not self-conscious about topics that many adults find difficult.
Children have a natural curiosity about their bodies, how their bodies work, differences between boys and girls, questions about sexuality. Body parts and sexuality are talked about at school, stemming from children’s discussions and questions, or as brought up through books or songs.
Occasionally, while participating in water play or just during the natural course of their play, some of the younger children will take off their clothes. In the Little Nursery yard, children are permitted to play without their clothing as long as the weather allows for their health and safety.
In Big Nursery, House Group, and Mountain Yard, during After School Care, at the park and on field trips, nudity is not permitted.
Cozy Plans
When children express an interest in direct exploration of each others bodies we call that a “cozy plan.” We consider this curiosity normal and natural and do not want children shamed for their interest. We will help children process their feelings and their interest in bodies; however, teachers are not able to support cozy plans at school and also adequately supervise the rest of the children, particularly because of the different ages and developmental levels in each yard.
Teachers can give parents suggestions for supporting cozy plans at home where the supervision assures the necessary attention to everyone’s safety limits.
Visiting Other Yards
Children often are fascinated with the various play yards in school other than their own. It is tempting to indulge your child’s wish to stay and play in these areas. For safety reasons, no younger children are allowed in yards other than their own, with or without their parent. There are many subtle safety limits in each yard that may not be obvious to you. In addition, the presence of children and their parents in a yard can be disruptive to the program set up for that yard. Remember, children take and feel a sense of ownership of their indoor and outdoor classrooms. Think of yourself as a visitor when passing through. During the school day children do have the option of planning occasional visits to other yards with teacher supervision. If your child shows an interest in staying and playing in another yard, encourage them to plan a visit in their Morning Meeting.